Tuesday, December 22, 2009

GOD and 80's Rock

Amazing, hilarious, and illuminating all at the same time how GOD can speak through 80's rock...bare with me as I explain me somewhat shameful reference. Haha Due to one of my favorite pieces on a previous season of So You Think You Can Dance and a recent episode of Glee, I've been rocking out to Heart's song "Alone" alot lately. I love it, and it's just so passionate and fun.

Well, I was really listening to the words today and I was like "Man, this is alot like what I want to say to GOD." So I began to let HIM know,

"Til now, I always got by on my own.
I never really cared until I met YOU,
and now it chills me to the bone."

And then HE threw in HIS 2 cents, as if to say if we're going to be this passionate,

"How do I get you alone?"

So I, of course, stopped in my tracks after being called out in my fun 80's rock song to realize I have NOT been spending enough time alone with my LOVER, not just talking to people about HIM. But the cool thing is HE knows me so well that HE knew exactly where to find me!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

GRADUATION!


I am officially a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!! Man, that feels good to have a piece of paper that says I should know alot about something. Haha. But really, it feels weird and cool at the same time to have another chapter of my life done and moving on what GOD has in store next!



Monday, December 14, 2009

there's a light at the end of this tunnel


Well it's here. I'm officially done with all of my college obligations and graduation is a mere 5 days away! I can't wait!! A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, that's for sure. Now, I'm left with 5 months before moving to Mobile to breathe, work, and spend time with the LOVER I've been neglecting.

It's amazing how alone you can feel when you fill your time up and leave none for what HE's doing. I'm so excited that HE's called me from that. Thanks to Jenna, I bought a new book today called Angry Conversations with GOD by Susan Isaacs which I'm very excited to start reading. It came highly recommended. Also, GOD has since called me to head to Oregon in March to work with a church plant there for a week which is SUPER exciting!! HE is so good to me and I don't deserve a bit of it.





And I got a little surprise visit from two of my favorite people, Laurel and Jenny, and another of their friends Kristin who I love, as well as 2 that I met that day. They were on their way back home and coming through town and stopped by the coffee shop where I was studying. I miss them being here, but love love love the joy and peace they bring when they are here. It was a treat!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

.the next chapter.


The next chapter of my life is finally out of limbo!! I got accepted to Physician Assistant school at the University of South Alabama. So, in May, I'll be moving to Mobile!! =) I absolutely can't wait. I've even talked to a couple of girls I've met about living together. So Gulf Coast, here I come! I can't wait to see what GOD has in store there in a new city!! And to top it off, this is where I'm headed...

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I Still Believe

This song came on the radio today and basically knocked me back. It just really hit me where I am and spoke for me. I turned it up and just poured out these feelings to GOD. This song has stayed with me all day so I thought I'd share the lyrics..."I Still Believe" by Jeremy Camp.


Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start

But it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

'Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
'Cause I still believe in Your truth
'Cause I still believe in Your Holy Word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
For even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see You prepare

But it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain


'Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
'Cause I still believe in Your truth
'Cause I still believe in Your Holy Word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Well the only place I can go is into Your arms
Where I throw to You my feeble prayers
Well in brokenness I can see that this is Your will for me
Well help me to know that You are near


'Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
'Cause I still believe in Your truth
'Cause I still believe in Your Holy Word
Even when I don't see, 'cause I still believe

'Cause I still believe
'Cause I still believe
I still believe, I still believe

Well I still believe
I still believe
I still believe

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

transition


So now is definitely a time of transition. I graduate from college in less than 5 months, which I'm super excited about but it's very surreal. I'm excited to see what GOD has in store. I just wish I had a clue as to what it was.


This week has been nice though. I am a new assistant coach at my old high school so I go there in the afternoons and hang out with the girls which I definitely feel like is where GOD wants me for now. They are awesome and I'm already in love with all of them and look forward to spending the year with them!

Monday, August 24, 2009

waiting game

"Why are you striving?" HE asks. "Cease striving."

"I have decided, I have resolved, to wait upon YOU, LORD. You'll come."
Lines from 2 songs that ring so clearly in my ears, echoing my battle from within. This has been GOD and my conversation lately. I say ok I will wait on YOU and then start trying to do it myself again. So for now I decide again to wait on HIM.

"YOU'll come. Let YOUR glory fall as YOU respond to us. SPIRIT rain. Come into our thirsty hearts again. YOU'll come."

Monday, June 22, 2009

life from all directions

So it's been a while...





GOD has been doing some awesome things. My roommate Laurel got an awesome new job at Landmark (her home basically). I am really excited for her but it does mean she and Jenny are moving to Montgomery soon, which makes me super sad. But, I am excited because another friend, Nikki, offered me a room in her house. Also, I started a new job today that GOD is using to provide for me, which is awesome..HE is most definitely taking care of me and I feel stupid for the times I doubted HIM.





In other news, I watched HIM save 2 lives and create a few as well in the last couple of weeks. Kale Michael is one of HIS newest creations...

Kale Michael
8 lbs. 4 oz.
20 in.
6/19/09

He is my precious new baby cousin!!!

So it's been an amazing time of ups and downs, laughs and tears (yes tears from me, the one with no emotions. haha)

But GOD is good all the time. All the time GOD is good.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

oh the wonderful things you can think...

So, I have been in little kid mode lately. I went to the drive in for the first time in forever (how I have missed you!) and saw Night at the Museum 2, which was wonderful I might add. I had a weekend with the family that was surprisingly somewhat pleasant, which is a rare occurance. I thank GOD for that. But I will say, the more I'm at home around people I grew up with, the more I realize how much GOD has changed me since then. It makes me really excited to see what HE's done, but it's also kind of weird. These people don't know me any more. They think they do, but they don't. So, just watching that dynamic was kind of interesting. It also made me hurt, because many of them are stuck in their ways. I don't know. It was bascially a bittersweet weekend. But praise GOD for what HE's done.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

..:getaway:..



Monday afternoon, I went to the center when I got out of class. I saw Nikki there and we decided to enjoy the gorgeous day at the Greenway. About 5 steps down the path, I expressed my thought that this day would have been perfect at Rock Island. After a brief exchange and sprint back to the car, we headed off to Rock Island. It was absolutely gorgeous and we had a blast! The water was super high and there was some serious white water...oh and it was freezing. But, all of these were what made it awesome!! I have a serious attachment to Rock Island because it's such a gorgeous creation of GOD. You should visit sometime..






Sunday, May 10, 2009

back to school.

Well, I have been out of school for less than a week, and it's time to begin again. I'm taking 2 classes this summer so I can graduate in December. The light at the end of the tunnel keeps getting brighter. I'm just not looking forward to having to get up early again, although the newest member of our family did wake me up around 7 this morning.






This precious little baby is Joplin. Jenny has been wanting a lab for a while, and on my trip to Walmart yesterday, Joplin and her sisters were in the parking lot being given away for free. I called Jenny, who was en route to Jackson for Mother's Day. She freaked out, and after some pictures were exchanged via the wonderful cellular network, I picked precious little Joplin out for her. The youngest member of Grandmaville, she is a mere 7 week old baby. She's a big cuddler =).

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

why...



Why?

Why do they sit and cry?

Why?

Why do I just sit by?

FATHER, forgive YOUR child.

I don't know how; I'm not equipped.

I'm lost without YOUR great help.

FATHER, teach YOUR child.

Show me how, Show me where,

FATHER, teach YOUR child.

Burden me.

Burden me with their cry.

Don't let me just sit by...

Wednesday, April 29, 2009



So thank you Jenna for tagging me in that lovely blog game. haha. This is me right now chilling in the KUC skipping class. I guess I'll tag Rachael (take a pic of you right now without primping and put it on here) and pretend to tag T because he doesn't blog, he just stalks other people's blogs.

In other news, my mom somehow managed to call me and say, "Hey, I have 2 free VIP passes to that crawfish boil you wanted to go to." So, needless to say, I will be running away to Birmingham for the weekend after my back to back Immunology and Physiology finals on Friday. I'd say that I'm deserving of a runaway weekend haha. Jason Mraz and I will be getting married there shortly after I tell him that he loves JESUS..or maybe it's that JESUS loves him..regardless, it's happening and you're invited!

Friday, April 24, 2009

days like these


Days like these never cease to amaze me. Yeah, sure I see GOD in the rain, snow, storms, but absolutely gorgeous sunny days like this amazing one just floor me. That is grace, my friend. I walked out of the house at 7:45 this morning in shorts and a t-shirt, not freezing while waiting for it to warm up, but already enjoying the near 70 degrees temperature. Hopefully, much of my day will be spent outside enjoying it.


GOD is so good. When you finally stop trying to do everything on you own and just give it to HIM, HE takes over and mends. HE is grace and love and mercy. I'm jacked up to the nth degree, yet somehow he fixes my messes and loves me anyway.


I went to Sanctuary last night after GOD took over and fixed some things. It was some awesome, much needed worship time. I honestly had to stop myself from dancing during it which is unreal. I don't dance, just kinda bounce around. I refrained because I didn't want to be the weirdo haha. Not sure what that means or why I just wrote that, but yeah it's true. No shame here. But in the presence of my GOD all I want to do is praise HIM with every ounce of me. Man, I love HIM! Thank YOU for today.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

lovecrylaughrunchillquitworkhelpgrowdealwhy?






The title of this blog pretty much sums up the swirling thoughts in my head. I feel like there are so many things running through my mind. They don't get seperated or sorted. They just bog me down until I'm just overwhelmed and then have no idea what is overwhelming me. Then, I don't even know what to do.

I have felt lately so distant from GOD. It's like I cry out to HIM but HE doesn't show, when everything in me knows that's not the case. I really feel like I'm just in a state of desolation and being attacked by Satan, using my weakest points to distort reality into something it's not. I have had to spend alot of time in repentance lately. I haven't been who I want to be and my life hasn't been an act of worship. There are 2 songs that have had some serious impact on my reaching this breaking point of getting all this out of my head and onto here. The first is a song with a chorus that goes like this...


ALL OF YOU IS MORE THAN ENOUGH

FOR ALL OF ME, FOR EVERY THIRST AND

EVERY NEED. YOU SATISFY ME WITH

YOUR LOVE.


The other is a Misty Edwards song...


i don't want to talk about YOU like

YOU're not in the room. i want to look

right at YOU. i want to sing right to YOU.


Any prayers are definately appreciated..against feelings of inadequacy, anger, lonliness, helplessness, disappointment, rebellion. Alot of stuff for alot of different reasons. It's just nice to get a little out...just let it rain, GOD.

Friday, April 17, 2009

i n v i s i b l e

i n v i s i b l e


That's how I feel lately.





...especially today. That's all I have to say right now.


Monday, April 13, 2009

devastation...



Friday, April 9, was Good Friday. Ironically, the "good" was short lived. Super strong tornados ravaged through the Murfreesboro area, showing no mercy. At least 2 and possibly up to 4 tornados touched down destroying over 100 house and causing damage to close to 200. Two people, a mother and her 9-week old baby, were killed. Many more were injured. Saturday morning, I worked at the Red Cross shelter from 6:45-11. We loaded and unloaded SO much donated food and water. We also served breakfast to the refugees and volunteers. One man that had taken shelter there was about 70 yrs old. He had been sucked through his roof and thrown over his house. He escaped with only 2 broken ribs. He lost his dentures and couldn't eat. However, his psychlogical damage was devastating. I don't think he even knew where he was. He was in the strangest daze.


Around time for me to leave, a crew of 42 inmates that had been out in the field working came in to eat. As I served them breakfast, they were so polite and glad to be able to help. It was truly a humbling and awesome experience to serve these guys to whom most people turn a blind eye. I was so encouraged by their desire to help people who have lost everything, as well as their love for broccoli and chicken cassarole.


After leaving the shelter, I headed into the field along with 4 other RFCers. A girl that had been a part of our campus ministry last year had lost her house. So, we hiked over to her neighborhood because you couldn't drive into it. For 3 or 4 hours we helped just try to make a dent in the cleanup that has to happen.


The damage is just rediculous. I kept having flashbacks of Katrina honestly. No the damage isn't as widespread and there was no flooding, but alot of the mental images I have from Gulfport were triggering in my mind this weekend. It is going to take a while for Murfreesboro to recover from this. Keep praying!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

the girl in the mirror



Mirrors are funny things.


James says that a man doesn't look into a mirror and walk away without remembering what he looks like. He also says we are to be doers of the word, and not hearers only.


In Matthew 5, JESUS gives us HIS sermon on the which is basically what we should look to see in a spiritual mirror. We should be poor in spirit, meek, humble, mourn, hunger and thirst for righteousness, be merciful, peacemakers. These are the ones who experience the Kingdom. These are the attributes the SON of GOD said we should exhibit. We should seek this appearance, not that of another person.


Eph. 5 talks about being imitators of GOD and live a life of love. We easily slip into not seeking to look like JESUS, but to look like our spiritual mentors. While it is good to have a mentor and teacher, they have flaws. We should be seeking the heart of GOD together, yet each for our own self. Our journeys toward knowing HIM all have the same goal, but none of them look the same.


So, I've been stuck on this idea of mirrors for a couple of days because it kept getting thrown at me in these different situations. I've been having a kind of identity crisis because my faith is finally becoming my own and trying to grow roots. I have been seeking what GOD sees me as and for that to be my identity, and in knowing how HE sees me, knowing HIM. Knowing HIM is knowing love, and that allows me to love with HIS love. It's a tough, painful, straining, rewarding, joyful, ultimate ride. But I'm learning...learning to look in HIS mirror at myself.


HE is good.

Friday, April 3, 2009

e x p e r i e n c e


People always say you learn from experience, and I couldn't agree more. I've always been a hands-on learner, so for me, understanding GOD's power should be no different.


Yesterday, I was stressing and uptight and just having one of those moments where you just need a release. So, release is what I did. I used to be terrified of storms, still can be at times. But yesterday, I couldn't wait for it to start pouring rain. I saw that the tornados weren't going to be coming through here, so I waited.... The raindrops came...slowly. But then the dark, ominous clouds opened up and poured water from the heavens. I immediately ran outside and looked up into the sky, arms spread wide open. The wind came from the left, then the right, then from the front. Gusts were coming from every direction, as if a great composer was creating a musical masterpiece. The raindrops followed the wind's urgings, soaking me through and through. Head toward the sky, I closed my eyes and experienced the forceful wind and the pelting rain. Water dripping off of me from everywhere, my hair and clothes soaked, I just took off running. After a bit, I returned to the yard where my adventure began. I stood in awe of the freedom, the release, the endorphins running through my veins, or maybe let's call that the HOLY SPIRIT. I lingered there a while just taking it all in, praising the GOD responsible for it. HIS power is truly indescribable.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

who.i.am

So, a little while back, I hit this brick wall that was the realization that I didn't know who I was. I have lived with myself for 20 years and watched me be a chameleon to my environment, an onlooker to my own life. Realizing this knocked me back and smacked me in the face. How could I have gone so long and not known who I was or wanted to be?? All I knew was what everyone wanted me to be, so that's what I was.

Drawing nearer to GOD brought me to this realization, and drawing even nearer to HIM is what has propelled me to find myself somewhere in all the jumble. It's been a slow process, but today, a small lightbulb popped up over my head and I began to understand some things. I always searched for one thing that bound me to people, whether it was one thing we had in common or a certain type of profile that 'they' fit. I wanted to know where mine was. But, that never came. Then, as miniscule as this realization may seem, I finally understood I can fit all sorts of 'profiles' or 'groups'. I don't just have to be one "type" of person.

I love sports, but I also love theater. I am super competitive, and don't really like that about myself. I like to run when I'm stressed. I enjoy reading. I love acoustic music. But, I also enjoy hard electric rock and the occasional dip into the world of bluegrass. And, when I'm playing a sport, a little rap comes into the mix. I like to paint and draw, even though I'm horrible at both. I love the outdoors and everything about it. I like to sit outside alone with my guitar and talk to JESUS. I like having something to do. I like having nothing to do. I like musicals. I want to learn everything I can about my GOD and the life that JESUS led. I want to be drawn nearer to knowing GOD daily. My time with HIM alone is invaluable. I love to listen to people talk about GOD and their ideas and takes on things. I like to go out and listen to live music. I also have my moments where I'm a bit of a science nerd. Sometimes, I just want to act crazy, and need friends that are right there with me. I have judged and been judged, neither of which are fun. I have loved and been hurt. I have failed, and failed, and failed. My pride gets the best of me, but now I rejoice in my weakness. This is ME.

And the biggest thing I've learned is that being all these 'contridictory' things, as determined by society, is OK!!! Who knew?! I don't fit a mold, but that's because the CREATOR made me unique, and in HIS image. wow.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

f o c u s ..........


This morning, I got up and did some cleaning. Then I decided to go for a run. I left my phone, ipod, and all other distractions in the house. I really needed some alone time with GOD. So I talked to HIM and asked HIM to only let my mind flood with the thoughts that HE wanted me to have. So, I ran on and realized I didn't have contacts in and my glasses were also at home. Normally, I would just be like, 'Oh well." But I couldn't stop dwelling on the fact that I could focus very well up close, but when I looked off in the distance, nothing was in focus. It just kept bugging me. Finally, I thought maybe GOD is trying to tell me something. I've been so focused on trying to plan my future. But, I'm not equipped to focus on it. The only thing we can focus on is the here and now. We should be content to enjoy the present. So yeah...I'm going to work on that. Thank goodness for this relaxing weekend!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Sometimes, it is nice to just go sit. Yes, just sit. There is this neat little coffee shop here in town that I really like to just sit at, maybe do homework or read or study or just enjoy. This is where I sit typing now. Don't get me wrong, I love my Starbucks, but there is something just homey about this place. So, today...I sit...still. a l o n e. with my thoughts, the workings of the creator running through my head.

This picture means absolutely nothing to alot of people. To others, they know it as "laminin, it holds everything together and it's shaped like a cross." I love that concept, but I also am amazed it the many small parts that all had to come together in a precise fashion to even form this protein.

Today, I sat in class hearing about all of these tiny, miniscule details of the functions of the human body. Then, I go spend some time studying these microscopic parts. The more I look at it, the more I realize that GOD is a master of all trades. HE is the world's best surgeon, smartest scientist, best accountant, strongest carpenter, most helpful counselor, most productive gardener, most gifted author, finest painter, steadiest sculpture, smoothest musician. HE created the miniscule interactions that make our body work, sculpted the mountains that put us in awe, grew the trees, painted the sunset, created all of the laws and theories that math and science have discovered, gives the best advice, gave us the ability to create language. HE never fails to amaze me.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

spring.break...or what was left of it










So this past Tuesday, the MTSU Lady Raiders won the Sun Belt Conference championship. Since we won, I got the rest of the week off.










Wed.-Taylor and I took a day trip to Chattanooga. We visited the TN Aquarium, where I felt like a 5 year old. I was in awe of the many crazy animals in this place. GOD put some of the craziest, most random, colorful features on all of these little (and not so little) guys. I left there in even more awe of our CREATOR than before. We walked around downtown Chattanooga and stopped to eat at this local pizza place called Lupi's, which was amazing. Then, we walked next door to Greyfriar's Coffee shop, which I highly recommend if you're ever in Chattanooga. It was such a neat little downtown area.













Thurs.- In looking at JESUS's prayer life, HE often went to mountain's to pray. So, I decided I wanted to do just that, and wouldn't be deterred by rain or cold...both of which decided to rear their ugly head. However, I, along with my friend Brad, headed to Short Mountain. I grew up spending my summer's on this mountain so I loved getting to spend more time with my FATHER on it. We sat around and talked about GOD for an hour or so in the 30 degree weather, mixed with a little sleet. I loved just sitting there and watching the fog smother the hills below. Then we went to where all the towers are at the top and watched them ascend into the fog, seemingly going on forever. Ah, I love the mountains!!








Fri.- I went home and had some family time which was refreshing. We went to the Arts Center to see a show. It was nice to be back in what was my summer home these past 2 summers. I also got some fresh, organically grown coffee straight from the Short Mountain Sanctuary. It is quite amazing I must say..face of addiction I know. ha.










Today, it has been up and down. Knowing what GOD is wanting from me in this moment is difficult and against my personality but I want to be faithful. Satan is working hard but GOD has already won. I went to go get dinner at the Gyro Cafe before practice to find out it was closed. So I walked into the Thai place next door, at which I'd never eaten. I was greeted by an elderly man. He said he owned the place. We sat and talked for about 30 minutes about abunch of random stuff. I had left in plenty of time to get to practice, so it was nice to be able to sit and enjoy a conversation with this random man and not worry about looking at my watch. HE is moving, LORD grant me patience.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Stir Crazy


So here is my entrance into the blog world. It's not much but it's me. Basically, I always need an outlet to put thoughts down and who knows, maybe someone else would want to read them. Anyways...


I'm sitting in a hotel in Hot Springs, AR going stir crazy. I'm stuck here for a couple more days with every minute of my schedule laid before me by someone else. All I want to do is break out. This kind of applies to my life right now. I'm going stir crazy in my life. I just want to get away for a bit and just drive with no direction, no plan, no schedule, and end up somewhere, hopefully the mountains (I've gotten slightly obsessed with them--JESUS went there to pray and I completely understand the feeling). I want to climb one, exerting every ounce of energy I have toward that single goal, the peak. Then, when I reach the top, I want to look out and take in as much of GOD's creation that my eyes can handle. When they have reached their threshold, I'll turn to the right and take in a new section. HE is the greatest artist of all-time. HE paints the most beautiful pictures in the sunrise, mountains, rivers, the ocean, HIS people. HE is constantly putting new masterpieces in front of me to look at. A friend of mine and I had a conversation a week or so ago about GOD as an artist. Now, normally, I always feel dreary when it rains, but she brought it to my attention that GOD just decided to paint in water colors. Now, I'm kind of fond of it. I really just want to sprint towards rainy, sunny, cold, hot, colorful, dry mountains, because HE created all of that. All of HIM is more that enough for all of me.


I can't wait to see HIM move even more in my life. Thank goodness HE pursues me daily. I started off today with some horrible focus, but HE used the smallest things to say "Hey, here I am." I think we will run away together the latter half of the week. =)