So thank you Jenna for tagging me in that lovely blog game. haha. This is me right now chilling in the KUC skipping class. I guess I'll tag Rachael (take a pic of you right now without primping and put it on here) and pretend to tag T because he doesn't blog, he just stalks other people's blogs.

In other news, my mom somehow managed to call me and say, "Hey, I have 2 free VIP passes to that crawfish boil you wanted to go to." So, needless to say, I will be running away to Birmingham for the weekend after my back to back Immunology and Physiology finals on Friday. I'd say that I'm deserving of a runaway weekend haha. Jason Mraz and I will be getting married there shortly after I tell him that he loves JESUS..or maybe it's that JESUS loves him..regardless, it's happening and you're invited!

days like these

Days like these never cease to amaze me. Yeah, sure I see GOD in the rain, snow, storms, but absolutely gorgeous sunny days like this amazing one just floor me. That is grace, my friend. I walked out of the house at 7:45 this morning in shorts and a t-shirt, not freezing while waiting for it to warm up, but already enjoying the near 70 degrees temperature. Hopefully, much of my day will be spent outside enjoying it.

GOD is so good. When you finally stop trying to do everything on you own and just give it to HIM, HE takes over and mends. HE is grace and love and mercy. I'm jacked up to the nth degree, yet somehow he fixes my messes and loves me anyway.

I went to Sanctuary last night after GOD took over and fixed some things. It was some awesome, much needed worship time. I honestly had to stop myself from dancing during it which is unreal. I don't dance, just kinda bounce around. I refrained because I didn't want to be the weirdo haha. Not sure what that means or why I just wrote that, but yeah it's true. No shame here. But in the presence of my GOD all I want to do is praise HIM with every ounce of me. Man, I love HIM! Thank YOU for today.

lovecrylaughrunchillquitworkhelpgrowdealwhy?

The title of this blog pretty much sums up the swirling thoughts in my head. I feel like there are so many things running through my mind. They don't get seperated or sorted. They just bog me down until I'm just overwhelmed and then have no idea what is overwhelming me. Then, I don't even know what to do.

I have felt lately so distant from GOD. It's like I cry out to HIM but HE doesn't show, when everything in me knows that's not the case. I really feel like I'm just in a state of desolation and being attacked by Satan, using my weakest points to distort reality into something it's not. I have had to spend alot of time in repentance lately. I haven't been who I want to be and my life hasn't been an act of worship. There are 2 songs that have had some serious impact on my reaching this breaking point of getting all this out of my head and onto here. The first is a song with a chorus that goes like this...

ALL OF YOU IS MORE THAN ENOUGH

FOR ALL OF ME, FOR EVERY THIRST AND

EVERY NEED. YOU SATISFY ME WITH

YOUR LOVE.

The other is a Misty Edwards song...

i don't want to talk about YOU like

YOU're not in the room. i want to look

right at YOU. i want to sing right to YOU.

Any prayers are definately appreciated..against feelings of inadequacy, anger, lonliness, helplessness, disappointment, rebellion. Alot of stuff for alot of different reasons. It's just nice to get a little out...just let it rain, GOD.

i n v i s i b l e

i n v i s i b l e


That's how I feel lately.





...especially today. That's all I have to say right now.

devastation...

Friday, April 9, was Good Friday. Ironically, the "good" was short lived. Super strong tornados ravaged through the Murfreesboro area, showing no mercy. At least 2 and possibly up to 4 tornados touched down destroying over 100 house and causing damage to close to 200. Two people, a mother and her 9-week old baby, were killed. Many more were injured. Saturday morning, I worked at the Red Cross shelter from 6:45-11. We loaded and unloaded SO much donated food and water. We also served breakfast to the refugees and volunteers. One man that had taken shelter there was about 70 yrs old. He had been sucked through his roof and thrown over his house. He escaped with only 2 broken ribs. He lost his dentures and couldn't eat. However, his psychlogical damage was devastating. I don't think he even knew where he was. He was in the strangest daze.

Around time for me to leave, a crew of 42 inmates that had been out in the field working came in to eat. As I served them breakfast, they were so polite and glad to be able to help. It was truly a humbling and awesome experience to serve these guys to whom most people turn a blind eye. I was so encouraged by their desire to help people who have lost everything, as well as their love for broccoli and chicken cassarole.

After leaving the shelter, I headed into the field along with 4 other RFCers. A girl that had been a part of our campus ministry last year had lost her house. So, we hiked over to her neighborhood because you couldn't drive into it. For 3 or 4 hours we helped just try to make a dent in the cleanup that has to happen.

The damage is just rediculous. I kept having flashbacks of Katrina honestly. No the damage isn't as widespread and there was no flooding, but alot of the mental images I have from Gulfport were triggering in my mind this weekend. It is going to take a while for Murfreesboro to recover from this. Keep praying!

the girl in the mirror

Mirrors are funny things.

James says that a man doesn't look into a mirror and walk away without remembering what he looks like. He also says we are to be doers of the word, and not hearers only.

In Matthew 5, JESUS gives us HIS sermon on the which is basically what we should look to see in a spiritual mirror. We should be poor in spirit, meek, humble, mourn, hunger and thirst for righteousness, be merciful, peacemakers. These are the ones who experience the Kingdom. These are the attributes the SON of GOD said we should exhibit. We should seek this appearance, not that of another person.

Eph. 5 talks about being imitators of GOD and live a life of love. We easily slip into not seeking to look like JESUS, but to look like our spiritual mentors. While it is good to have a mentor and teacher, they have flaws. We should be seeking the heart of GOD together, yet each for our own self. Our journeys toward knowing HIM all have the same goal, but none of them look the same.

So, I've been stuck on this idea of mirrors for a couple of days because it kept getting thrown at me in these different situations. I've been having a kind of identity crisis because my faith is finally becoming my own and trying to grow roots. I have been seeking what GOD sees me as and for that to be my identity, and in knowing how HE sees me, knowing HIM. Knowing HIM is knowing love, and that allows me to love with HIS love. It's a tough, painful, straining, rewarding, joyful, ultimate ride. But I'm learning...learning to look in HIS mirror at myself.

HE is good.

e x p e r i e n c e

People always say you learn from experience, and I couldn't agree more. I've always been a hands-on learner, so for me, understanding GOD's power should be no different.

Yesterday, I was stressing and uptight and just having one of those moments where you just need a release. So, release is what I did. I used to be terrified of storms, still can be at times. But yesterday, I couldn't wait for it to start pouring rain. I saw that the tornados weren't going to be coming through here, so I waited.... The raindrops came...slowly. But then the dark, ominous clouds opened up and poured water from the heavens. I immediately ran outside and looked up into the sky, arms spread wide open. The wind came from the left, then the right, then from the front. Gusts were coming from every direction, as if a great composer was creating a musical masterpiece. The raindrops followed the wind's urgings, soaking me through and through. Head toward the sky, I closed my eyes and experienced the forceful wind and the pelting rain. Water dripping off of me from everywhere, my hair and clothes soaked, I just took off running. After a bit, I returned to the yard where my adventure began. I stood in awe of the freedom, the release, the endorphins running through my veins, or maybe let's call that the HOLY SPIRIT. I lingered there a while just taking it all in, praising the GOD responsible for it. HIS power is truly indescribable.